Chris Voss was an expert at building rapport with and
persuading terrorists, bank robbers, and kidnappers to see things his way as an
FBI hostage negotiator. Discover how mirroring works and why it is such an
effective negotiation tool.
What Is Mirroring?
Mirroring is a communication technique in which a person
repeats key parts of what their conversation partner says in order to gain
their trust and attention. Mirroring demonstrates active listening and can be
an effective strategy for salespeople, romantic partners, and job interviewees.
Mirroring behavior as a negotiation strategy aids in the development of rapport
with and the gathering of information from criminals.
To build trust, negotiators may mimic others' word choices
and nonverbal communication, such as facial expressions, hand gestures, and
body language. This mimicry and picking up on nonverbal cues allow the
negotiator to converse with and confront their subject more effectively. Over
time, this can mean that the negotiator gets what they want without making the
other person feel duped or used, resulting in a more pleasant interaction and a
smoother process.
How to Use Mirroring in Negotiation by Chris Voss
Chris has extensive experience working with subjects who
prefer not to speak. He discusses mirroring techniques that have helped him
become a successful negotiator. Follow these hints to increase your negotiating
power:
1. Allow others to view your case. Negotiation isn't about
persuading others of your point of view. "One of the adages about
negotiation is 'the art of letting the other side have their way,' so mirroring
gets them talking and creates the opportunity for them to present you with your
deal, only they thought it was their idea," Chris explains.
2. Keep an ear out for one to three key words. To make
a connection, repeat a few key terms back to your subject. "It's usually the
last one to three words of what someone has said," Chris says.
"However, once you've mastered mirroring, you can choose one to three
words from anywhere in the conversation." As Chris puts it, "the
other person feels listened to”it tends to connect thoughts in their
head."
3. Try mirroring in low-stakes situations. Mirroring
can be awkward the first time you try it. Chris suggests trying the tactic on
strangers. "Experiment with a Starbucks [employee]. Test it on the hotel
clerk. "Try it with people who are willing to give you a chance to learn
because there isn't much at stake," Chris suggests. "Practice for
three weeks, do sixty-three to sixty-four repetitions, and it'll come naturally
to you, and you'll get past the awkwardness."
4. Turn œa wrestling match into a dance. Mirroring
can be effective in confrontational situations where two parties disagree.
"Try a mirror the next time someone is being confrontational with
you," Chris suggests. "Utilize a great tone of voice, genuine
curiosity, and mirror them a few times to see if their tone changes."
5. Understand your first goal is to gather information.
After gathering information, you can use details later in persuasion.
"Part of the message mirroring sends to the other person is, 'I heard
every word you said, and I'm proving it by just repeating it back to you,"
Chris says.
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