Even the most intimate interpersonal relationships can be
shattered by jealousy. Learn more about the broader definition of jealousy to
help you deal with it when it arises.
What Is Jealousy?
Jealousy is a negative emotion in which a person feels
envious of something that another person has. For example, you may experience
emotional jealousy if your best friend at work receives a promotion that you
believe you deserve. Romantic jealousy can develop when you see your partner
enjoying the company of another person. You may have experienced sibling
rivalry as a child, competing with your brothers or sisters for your parents'
affection.
What Causes Jealousy?
Jealousy results from feelings of insecurity. When you have
low self-esteem and are dissatisfied with your own life and relationships, it
is very easy to become envious of others who appear to have it all. While
different types of jealousy manifest in different ways, they all stem from
these fundamental feelings of inadequacy.
Anxiety, borderline personality disorder, depression,
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and even schizophrenia can all be blamed
for a person's jealousy. These mental health issues can distort your thinking
in a negative way, exacerbating jealous tendencies into a distinct pathology in
their own right (morbid jealousy).
Why Is Jealousy Harmful?
Pathological jealousy has the potential to disrupt or even
destroy close relationships with loved ones. Obsessive negative thoughts, for
that matter, will jeopardize your own happiness, self-worth, and sense of
well-being. Building trust and practicing compassion for yourself and others,
along with psychotherapy, can help you overcome your jealousy.
3 Major Signs of Jealousy
Jealousy is a complex emotion that manifests itself in a
variety of ways. These are just three key indicators to be aware of:
1. Distrust: Assume you and your significant other are
in a monogamous relationship. You lash out at them for sexual or emotional
infidelity every time you see them interact with someone they may be attracted
to. This jealousy stems from a complete lack of faith in their love and respect
for you.
2. Insecurity: Jealousy arises from a perceived or real
threat to your valued relationships. This could manifest as an extreme sense of
reliance on another person. Examine and conquer insecurities like these to overcome
jealousy.
3. Irritability: Jealousy is frequently associated with
an increase in irritability. This type of reactive jealousy increases the
likelihood that you will lash out at a close friend, coworker, or loved one
about whom you are jealous.
Jealousy versus Envy
People frequently confuse jealousy and envy, but there are
significant individual differences between these two mainstays of human
behavior. While both jealousy and envy are motivated by a desire for something
one does not have, jealousy focuses on the anger or resentment associated with
this desire. Envy, on the other hand, is the feeling itself.
Assume a family member dies and leaves a much larger sum of
money to your sibling than they did to you. If you are primarily envious, you
would spend the majority of your time wishing you had the money. If you're
primarily a jealous person, you'd be fixated on how unfair it was that your
sibling received the money instead of you.
How to Deal With Jealousy
You will almost certainly experience jealousy at some point
in your life; what matters is how you deal with it. Keep the following
suggestions in mind as you work to overcome the "green-eyed monster"
in a healthy manner:
Examine the underlying issues. Examine your basic attachment
style to see if you're getting what you need from your relationships. Jealousy
stems from deep-seated fears. For example, you may have an undiagnosed fear of
abandonment, which causes you to lash out at your friends and romantic partners
for spending time with others. You'll have a better chance of overcoming this
fear if you examine where it came from.
Build trust. When people are unaware of another person's
intentions or behavior, they develop suspicious jealousy. If it's appropriate,
tell your friends, family, and romantic partners that you want to improve your
trustworthiness. Overcoming jealousy necessitates moving past your own
insecurities and allowing others to demonstrate their dependability and
trustworthiness.
Heal from past wounds. Real and long-lasting pain is
frequently at the root of jealous people's negative behavior and emotions.
Assume someone witnessed their long-term romantic partner's sexual infidelity
with another close friend. Even if their new partner has no intention of
cheating, they may develop sexual jealousy in future relationships. Taking the
time to heal from such past wounds will assist you in working toward healthier
relationships.
Prioritize open communication. People are more likely to
become jealous when they do not communicate, according to social psychology.
Maintain open lines of communication in your friendships and romantic
relationships. Be truthful to yourself and to one another. Openness fosters
trust, and trust thwarts jealousy.
Seek mental health care. Speak with a mental health
professional about why you feel jealousy the way you do. You can overcome your
jealousy feelings with both cognitive behavioral therapy and medical
intervention through psychiatry.
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